a city without walls.....

"A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls."

-Proverbs 25:28

Dear God,

I did it again. You know, the thing I promised You I'd never do again? Yep, that's the one. I know I've said this a million times, but I'm sorry God. I feel pretty awful about it, but so far that hasn't been enough to get me to stop. It's not that I like doing this, or even want to, but something in me keeps bringing me to this spot. And a thousand "last time[s]" later, I find myself offering up the same apology. Why, God, do I keep falling?

My roommate showed me this Proverb the other day. At first it really didn't mean much to me. I kind of wish you would've elaborated, but don't worry, this imagination you gave me did the job (hopefully I'm not taking it too far out of context):

I picture a city with large walls surrounding it. There are guards at all the towers and the fortress is impenetrable. For years enemies of the city have sat outside, always watching for a way in. One night, the guard on one end up the city falls asleep and the outsiders see their chance to strike. They hit the city so fast, no one sees it coming. In a split second this group of bandits ransacks the city, looting and destroying as they go. As they leave the city they decide to take down all of the walls around it so that if they or anyone else wants to come back they will have nothing keeping them from doing as they please.

I am this city God. I can see that I let my guard down when it came to following You. I turned spending time with You into a check list of reading my Bible and saying a few words in prayer. I turned meeting with the God of the universe into a daily chore. I neglected sitting and listening to You and enjoying You. My lack of self-discipline in seeking You has left me susceptible to all kinds of enemies. I don't take care of my body in eating right, sleeping or exercising because I lack self-control. I have no boundaries in my relationships so I am doing too much, yet never enough. I can't fight against sin because my will is not aligned with Yours.

My walls are down God and my life is a free-for-all to anything or anyone that wants a piece. I don't think I can put them back up on my own, I'm too weak. But I think You can. I trust You can. But I don't know what that looks like, God, so I am going back to the Source. Would you teach me how to control my self. Would you teach me how to have "healthy" boundaries? Would you be my strong tower, my fortress?

You've promised to be these things for me God. And I know You can.

Sincerely,

Rob

buckle-down

Have you ever put something off for so long that you've forgotten about it entirely or just simply failed to see it through to completion?

I'm ashamed to admit I have. Want proof? Look at my previous blog post dated 6/9 where I talked about how I was going stay consistent with my blog posts because I was "mature".

Ouch.

Or how about the pile of papers I have stashed in my closet from freshman year that I swear I'll sort through some day...

Or here is a better one: how about all of the times I've started a diet and exercise program only to quit a week later...

Whether its been about dieting, cleaning up my room, reading my Bible or quitting a certain sin I just can't seem to "buckle-down" and get the job done. I can't count the number of times I've said "that can wait until tomorrow".

But how much of "today's" unfinished work actually gets resolved "tomorrow"?

And because of that how many New Years Resolutions go unresolved? How many sins go unrepented? How much time gets wasted?

I was reading a quote by Elton Trueblood today which said "Without the discipline of time, we spoil the next day the night before, and without the discipline of prayer, we are likely to end by having practically no experience of the divine human encounter...Discipline is the price of freedom."

God is calling us to an incredible life of love and freedom, but its gonna take something. It took the death of God's Son on a cross some 2,000 years ago, so this gift of life was costly. Grace is free and cannot be earned, but it's best experienced by a life lived the way it's Creator intended for His creation.

It is pretty safe to say that I will not lose weight if I don't eat right and exercise. It takes work and if I'm going to do it right I have to be disciplined to see the progress.

Maybe we fail to see God's work in our lives because we fail to do the things He has called us to?

I bet we would see some victory if we'd actually fight a bit...

Lets stop saving today's work for tomorrow.

"Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run wither perseverance the race marked out for us." -Hebrews 12:1

here goes nothing...

I've tried my hand at blogging many times and failed miserably. I normally get stopped at the title of the blog itself and quit before I even begin. I am feeling pretty good about this latest attempt for a number of reasons:
1. I'd like to think I'm growing in maturity and can stay at least semi-consistent with my posts.
2. I have a lot of free time and boredom
3. God has seen it fit to teach me a lot, and I need to record it so I don't forget and have to re-learn previous lessons.
4. My boss is making me do this (not really....but kind of)

So here I am busting out on to the World Wide Web!
I'm calling this "thoughts from the inner room" which is inspired by Luke 12:2-3 when Jesus is talking about things that are said in secret(the inner room) will one day be proclaimed from the rooftops (world wide web).
Too many times I keep things locked up or unsaid and either forget them or hide them. This is my attempt at bringing to light both the things I am going through and learning in hopes that by cataloging my experiences I (and anyone else who happens to stumble upon this site) may learn from the things God is showing me.
My desire is for this to be a very real and honest look into a life of a guy who is trying live the life he's been called to.
Feel free to comment when you feel like it.
Until next time...