a city without walls.....

"A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls."

-Proverbs 25:28

Dear God,

I did it again. You know, the thing I promised You I'd never do again? Yep, that's the one. I know I've said this a million times, but I'm sorry God. I feel pretty awful about it, but so far that hasn't been enough to get me to stop. It's not that I like doing this, or even want to, but something in me keeps bringing me to this spot. And a thousand "last time[s]" later, I find myself offering up the same apology. Why, God, do I keep falling?

My roommate showed me this Proverb the other day. At first it really didn't mean much to me. I kind of wish you would've elaborated, but don't worry, this imagination you gave me did the job (hopefully I'm not taking it too far out of context):

I picture a city with large walls surrounding it. There are guards at all the towers and the fortress is impenetrable. For years enemies of the city have sat outside, always watching for a way in. One night, the guard on one end up the city falls asleep and the outsiders see their chance to strike. They hit the city so fast, no one sees it coming. In a split second this group of bandits ransacks the city, looting and destroying as they go. As they leave the city they decide to take down all of the walls around it so that if they or anyone else wants to come back they will have nothing keeping them from doing as they please.

I am this city God. I can see that I let my guard down when it came to following You. I turned spending time with You into a check list of reading my Bible and saying a few words in prayer. I turned meeting with the God of the universe into a daily chore. I neglected sitting and listening to You and enjoying You. My lack of self-discipline in seeking You has left me susceptible to all kinds of enemies. I don't take care of my body in eating right, sleeping or exercising because I lack self-control. I have no boundaries in my relationships so I am doing too much, yet never enough. I can't fight against sin because my will is not aligned with Yours.

My walls are down God and my life is a free-for-all to anything or anyone that wants a piece. I don't think I can put them back up on my own, I'm too weak. But I think You can. I trust You can. But I don't know what that looks like, God, so I am going back to the Source. Would you teach me how to control my self. Would you teach me how to have "healthy" boundaries? Would you be my strong tower, my fortress?

You've promised to be these things for me God. And I know You can.

Sincerely,

Rob